if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
