you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
