hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
