our cab driver is having phone sex.
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
Randomize
