I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
Randomize
