he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
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