I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
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