Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Randomize
