I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Randomize
