Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
operation have a gay friend backfired
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
