the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
