So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Randomize
