my mouth tastes like poor choices
I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
Randomize
