I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
I think a kid would responsible me up
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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