trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
My vagina just recognized that song.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
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