If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
