The maid of honor just puked.
Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize