Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
Randomize
