if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
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