i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
Randomize
