I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
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