Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
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