I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
I know her cup size but not her name....
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