a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
