I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
Randomize
