I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
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