Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Randomize
