Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
Randomize
