dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
Randomize
