R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
