thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
Randomize
