spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
I can't put those talents on a resume
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
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