She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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