We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Randomize
