I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Randomize
