i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
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