You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
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