When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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