You're so nebulous sometimes
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
