I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Randomize
