suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
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