My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
Randomize
