Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
Randomize