Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Randomize
