glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
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