Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
