Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
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