The answer is no. Its an illegal search n seizure!
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Randomize
