I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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