pedialite and red bull = repair kit
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
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