i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Randomize