hell yes lets make some ravioli
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
Randomize
