I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Randomize
