I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
Im just a social blackout drinker.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
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