Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
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