Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
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