Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Randomize
