You're a womanizer and a bitch.
Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
