i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
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