I'm so fucking centered right now
I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Randomize
