If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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