Question for you. Are boobs and hands polarly charged, thus causing the inevitable joining of the two. If so are some breasts simply charged backwards
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Randomize
